I am trying to peaceably traverse these waters...release myself to travel, to explore the full curiosity of where spirit leads without alienating those I love and who love me. I am grounded, fixed to a specific geographic location but not necessarily in a good sense. "Fixed" comes with underlying connotation of being trapped, assimilated. But it is a trapping of my own making...I shook hands and agreed to be party. So I will stay. Plus, with age comes the marination of understanding. I understand that sometimes it is beneficial to stay (for others) and sometimes it is beneficial to leave (for you). No woman is an island. And if the cost of one's individualism is the breaking of a thousand expectations then one must ask, internally weigh, 'Am I enough to equalize the cost? Should I forfeit self, acquiesce in duty to the fold?' I've worn your way for years and well...it itches. Why should I wear burlap when a garment of purple silk has been steam-pressed for my pleasure? I love you. And I once thought it noble to indenture myself to your needs. I didn't want to offend you...my brother, my sister. But the older I get the more I savor understanding. There is no honor in clipping one's own wings. God forbid, shall I continue to ground myself, fix myself for you?
If the Son therefore shall make you free, ye shall be free indeed.
~John 8:36
2 comments:
THIS ONE I GET...!!!
And the line of the YEAR goes to *drum roll please*: "I've worn your way for years and well...it itches." lol
I actually touched on this a few days ago on one of my facebook statuses. The point I was making, as seems to be the case here, is how there is a difference between being content, and SETTLING. Clearly the person in this piece feels as if he/she has 'settled' for long enough. In college we learned about a concept called cognitive dissonance. (it's one of the few things I remember from my college days, but I digress...) It's when a feeling on the inside, reaches such a passionate level that one is spured into ACTION to alleviate those feelings of discomfort. That sounds a lot like what this person is describing.
Shawn~
Hey Shawn,
Thank you for your comment...all of your comments : ) Well, you hit it right on the head. Yea, this is something I've struggled with so it is kind of a theme in a good bit of what I write. Plus, I see that others struggle with it as well so sometimes I am tapping into another person's experience.
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