Saturday, September 13, 2014

The End

I grew up with a verbally abusive father
He would curse and yell
Go into fits of rage
Punch holes in the wall
Call us stupid
Once, as a kid, he yelled then called me an asshole
And I hid in the linen closet all day
When I was a little girl
I felt lonely
And retreated within myself
I was painfully shy
Finding sanctuary in a world of books and dreams

I am afraid to inhale the truth
But I will walk through my fear
I am afraid to exhale my heart
I am afraid
Yet I will breathe in and breathe out anyway
The Most High is watching over me
Take courage, my daughter

Thank you, Janay (Palmer) Rice for freeing me from silence
I pray you will be free too one day
Sometimes life takes away voice
Sometimes voice gives life

I spoke
Yesterday I confronted him
He yelled
He banged
Yet Casting out fear for love
Love for my children
And my children's children
I stood my ground
In that moment
I confronted my father
My father's step-father
And my mother's father
I returned
To reclaim the spirit
Of my grandmothers
My mother
Because they are me

I love my father
But I will not keep his secrets
I will not keep the secrets of men anymore
And live life as a whisper
I've tired of shrinking for them
The truth shall set us free
Cycle broken
I am free.
We are free.
The End


Friday, August 8, 2014

Thank you, Change

Lately life has been a doozy.  It forced change upon me like a thief in the night.  And now I am left wondering where all of my heirlooms of sweet memories  have gone.  Probably in a pawn shop somewhere, huh.  I'll retrieve them, buy them back later.  Maybe and then again maybe not.  For now, I am grateful for the change.  I am grateful because now I realize that those heirlooms were merely costume and often subtly wrought with dross.  They were not pure gold.  

Most High,
Thank you for loving me.  
Thank you for preparing me and showing me that I am worthy of better.

“All that you touch
You Change.
All that you Change
Changes you.
The only lasting truth
is Change.
is Change.” 

~Octavia E. Butler

Tuesday, July 29, 2014

Confession #219

You never know its purest form
its chemical makeup
until you have loved
loved then caged
loved then set free
loved and flied
loved and come into the knowing
that time is nothing but a loop back south
to a barred home
with scattered seeds at its base