Thursday, October 17, 2013
Shug: More than anything God love admiration.
Celie: You saying God is vain?
Shug: No, not vain, just wanting to share a good thing. I think it pisses God off when you walk by the color purple in a field and don't notice it.
~The Color Purple
I don't know you as I know the women of my blood. But I do see you. I've watched you. I have caught within my sight the micro movements of the muscles in your legs and arms as you internally wrestle down the Ghost. But what I know, if I know nothing else of you, is that you did not have premeditated intent to crush her of life. It was a slow loss. Locking eyes. The first date. Meeting his sisters. Bended knee. Then his name edged out yours.
Now you syncopate your steps one pace behind his because he is fashioned from clay to lead and you are makeshift. This Sunday I glanced at the almost imperceptible droop in your irises... clouds of overcast. You have grown accustomed to withholding... done it for so long that no one is the wiser. No one seems to take the time to peer past your bare lids and lashes... naked of makeup yet stingy in their reveal. But I've seen you.
I watch you sometimes as you scurry behind him contenting your belly by nibbling on the cake crumbs that fall from his hands. I can tell that you are force feeding yourself the life he chose... swallowing down modesty as boulders.
What happened to those thighs that jumped from your mini skirt? The red sass of your lips? When did you exchange two upright breast in a snug tank top for a slouching spine in a draping blouse? And when did your reflection become so virtuous... an image without scrapes from the fall of a free run?
Sometimes I catch within my sight the tiny twitch near your band finger as you turn all of your cards over to play match with photographic memory to his beliefs. You pretend to be happy, smiling with a curl. While others sway with joy, your laugh is controlled like the stiffness of a dry bone.
I am sorry for your loss. I don't know you. But I sometimes see glimpses of her Spirit struggling for the room to move... ahead.
Saturday, August 31, 2013
An email response I wrote a few months ago...
The more I grow...the more I realize how much more growing I have before me. I'm learning to see beyond the SEE in at least one area. I'm more accepting of my human side, acknowledging all emotions and faults as well as glorying in my divine side as a woman created in the image of the Most High. So in a nutshell I'm enjoying being dread-locked me :)
And I'm enjoying the immense freedom that comes with accepting that everyone has a right to live life from their own perspective, their own set of beliefs even if they are in stark contrast to my own...their God given free will is not mine to usurp nor harshly judge.
The Most High is the only beholder of ultimate truth and I acknowledge that I do indeed "see through a glass darkly." I am not God. I'm thankful to the Most High for this lesson...self righteousness (a lack of tolerance towards myself as well as others) is a sin just like any other. I've learned that sin is anything that impedes life...the right to joy, live freely, and grow. It is a challenging lesson but only because of my own resistance to it. I'm grateful for my pruning :)
God has allowed me to SEE the imperfect beauty, the human and divine in myself as well as in others. In this, the Most High reveals the layers within one of the highest commandments, "Love your neighbor as yourself." So I am loving myself...walking in my own beliefs without apology and respecting others rights to do the same. I am learning to reverence the Most High's creation with greater degree.
...and the Creator recently brought it to my attention that I gravely needed to review this lesson. Growth is lifelong and often a cyclical process!
“With humility comes the willingness to stop trying to control or change other people or life situations or events ostensibly 'for their own good'."
~David R. Hawkins
Wednesday, July 24, 2013
The Jews answered him, "Aren’t we right in saying that you are a Samaritan and demon-possessed?"
"I am not possessed by a demon," said Jesus, "But I honor my Father and you dishonor me."
"...Hypocrites! You are like whitewashed tombs, which look beautiful on the outside but on the inside are full of the bones of the dead and everything unclean."