I Love The Sun

A tentative version of a poem, a psalm of adoration to all black men.

 Written with "affectionately desirous" love...

I love the sun

It dawned the beginning

Of what was to never end

A love

Made high within brown hills

A haven when all else

All else

Is at variance with him

I am made strong

With every effort to pull down fear

Pull down

What makes me hesitate to give all

Feel safe in a consuming fire

I love the sun

It dawned the beginning

Of what was to never end

A love

I look up to when

The world is in night and his rays are needed

To stir my slumber

My slumber

Is what shaded my mind

Believing that all eyes are real

Eyes lie to the children of slaves

The children

Taught to look down on their black star

And blot out his heart with the shadow of shame

 

But I love the sun

It dawned the beginning

Of what was to never end

A love

Setting where mounds

Smile a pink haze

The sacred hue of bliss

Of bliss

Extending hands

Containing the substance of life

I will elevate his bowed beam

His bowed

Countenance is made proud and free to never

Hang defeated what is mighty through our one soul

I will never again

Withhold my light in a valley low

Because a sun needs to shine

To dawn the beginning

Of what was to never end

A splendid day

He which made them at the beginning made them male and female...wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh.  What therefore GOD hath joined together, let no [entity] put asunder.   
~The Book of Matthew 19: 4-6

Speaking of Fig Leaves...

I am trying to peaceably traverse these waters...release myself to travel, to explore the full curiosity of where spirit leads without alienating those I love and who love me.  I am grounded, fixed to a specific geographic location but not necessarily in a good sense.  "Fixed" comes with underlying connotation of being trapped, assimilated.  But it is a trapping of my own making...I shook hands and agreed to be party.  So I will stay.  Plus, with age comes the marination of understanding.  I understand that sometimes it is beneficial to stay (for others) and sometimes it is beneficial to leave (for you).  No woman is an island.  And if the cost of one's individualism is the breaking of a thousand expectations then one must ask, internally weigh, 'Am I enough to equalize the cost?  Should I forfeit self, acquiesce in duty to the fold?'  I've worn your way for years and well...it itches.  Why should I wear burlap when a garment of purple silk has been steam-pressed for my pleasure?  I love you.  And I once thought it noble to indenture myself to your needs.  I didn't want to offend you...my brother, my sister.  But the older I get the more I savor understanding.  There is no honor in clipping one's own wings.  God forbid, shall I continue to ground myself, fix myself for you?

  If the Son therefore shall make you free, ye shall be free indeed.

~John 8:36

Third Heaven

^"Not as though I had already attained, either were already perfect: but I follow after, if that I may apprehend that for which also I am apprehended of Christ Jesus."  ~Philippians 3:12

 It's odd.  The times that I felt closest to God directly coincides with moments in my life where I felt alone.  I could feel God sitting next to me, listening intently as I prayed, patting me gently as I cried, and holding my quivering hand as I attempted to brave uncharted territory.  In each instance I was physically alone, miles away from loved ones and friends.  I miss resting in the paradox - alone yet surrounded by everything, all that is Love.  I miss knowing, experiencing each second in Grace.  Occasionally, I have the feeling of being "caught up" as Paul while in the ease of prayer but it's fleeting.  How do I attain the perpetual experience of The Everlasting?  I've tried to reach this elusive center, spiritual equilibrium at home and at church.  But I can't seem to touch Heaven's cloud - just an inch within my grasp.  If only I could borrow the ladder from Jacob's dream...