Illuminate. I am a
child of the Morning.
Because it was never fully mine. It is an extension of who he is. It is the place where he grew from babe…to
boy…to man. And well, we were not
fashioned to walk the same path. I’m a
woman…he’s a man. I love books…he loves
football. I’m Nat and he’s E. See, different paths. ..parallel by way of
matrimony but not the same. And those
differences were delineated with a purpose.
I have no spiritual need to be
vetted by any religious institution. I
attend church to “touch and agree” with like minded spirits in the same way
that I do when I am in the company of my natural family. For me, being in the midst of loved ones no
matter the venue is church. But that is
my truth, a truth that I relinquished to be a part – apart from God. I wanted to be a member so I became one. And that is okay because it was a step in my
journey that aided in reestablishing knowledge present at birth. God is already here…with me…right now. I’m a kinesthetic learner of sorts so in due
course I learn by doing – going through.
Sometimes I come to fully know a rose by experiencing its thorns
too. And that’s okay. Being a member of what I am not confirmed who
I am…as night to day. That’s good. But what’s not okay is for me to perpetuate
feelings of lack – give over myself, sign over personal sovereignty to any entity be it
church, woman, or man that is not edifying to MY SOUL. My husband’s church is a good place. It indeed is.
But it is a good place FOR HIM!
It aided in creating the spiritual constitution I have now. And for this I am grateful.
Illuminate. I am a
child of the Morning.
I believed. I
believed that I was being “obedient” to God by following the precepts of an
institution. But there was always, even
from the moment I joined, an unconscious sense that I had forfeited self for a
place in a pew. I denied my uniqueness;
my mores, my beliefs, and my ideas. I
changed how I talked…how I dressed…how I moved…how I be. I suppressed the spirit of creativity that
frames, gives voice to who I am. I denied the Christ in me, turning away from
who God had created…just plain ol’ quirky and quiet Nat, the apple eating girl
in the kicks and jeans. I transposed obedience to Spirit with
obedience to incorporation. I was a
member alright…a confused one.
Illuminate. I am a
child of the Morning.
It was all vanity and there was no profit under the Sun. God is not the author of confusion. When folks try to stamp out “uniqueness” they
in turn deny Christ. Christ didn’t come
to maintain the status quo – the same ol’, same ol’. Christ waxed confident in the authenticity
and spirit of who he was even against accusations of demon possession and
blasphemy. He remained stalwart,
centered in his own soul even when his family and the church leaders of his day
(Sadducee and Pharisee) spoke ill of him.
Christ was and is a paradigm shifter anyhow! He was and is a comforter and defender of
those on the margins of normal…the “different” ones.
Illuminate. I am a
child of the Morning.
I’ve learned that
anything less, being anything less than ME is vexation. I am “saved” but NOT because I joined a church
(affiliation with a building) but because I stopped quenching the spirit of who
I am. I stopped denying Christ, the
spirit of unconditional love that dwells within even until the ending of the
age. I’ve gained an understanding of who and what
Peter (the thrice denier) actually is…the immobilizing fear of my true self –
the image of The Most High. Peter made
an attempt to hinder purpose. But
almost doesn’t count!
Illuminate. I am a
child of the Morning.
Get thee behind me task master of Spirit. My walk with God …is mine. I’ve learned that agreement is divine. How can two walk together, labor in the
vineyard side by side lest they mutually honor one another? Unity is not the absence of variation but the
ability to see its usefulness in a common scheme. Any religious presence (person, place or
thing) that I allow intimate space in my life must have a working respect for how
I view God :
·
“The Way” to God is embedded in many spiritual
systems. Unfortunately the covertly corrupting
element of avarice has tainted that truth.
The truth is present …seek and I will find. Knowledge is surely power.
·
Balance is an aspect of God...feminine and
masculine at equilibrium. God is both
which is made plain in the title “The All in All.” Women are spiritual leaders too and as a
mother of daughters I must expose them to such.
And it is just as important for my son to be exposed to the same.
·
Righteousness is an inward phenomenon. Reverence for life is holy.
·
Whatever music speaks to my spirit in the way of
love is sacred (Stevie Wonder and Donny Hathaway are my favorite ministers).
·
Sin is ANYTHING that separates me from love.
..anything that disturbs a sense of balance, God-centeredness.
·
The acquisition of heaven and hell is a personal
choice. A CHOICE…a daily, moment by
moment battle in the high ground of the mind.
Yes, I would like for everyone to choose heaven but who am I to usurp
free will.
·
GOD IS UNIVERSAL AND TOO EXPANSIVE TO CONTAIN IN
A BOOK.
Illuminate. Without
the nip of winter one does not appreciate the great return of warmth. My words are not an admonishment of my
husband’s church but rather a kind of confessional offering so I may
fully…Shine. It is certainly a community
of faith enlivened by the love of its members…a community that I will continue
to lift up and love. But it wasn’t
me. I was hiding from myself and, in
effect, hiding from God. I am no longer
hypnotized, signaled to conform. My eye
has ceased to be transfixed on illusions, entertaining myself with flickering
figures upon enclosed walls. The desire
has left me…making idles out of shadows.
Even Jesus knew that Light was, in fact, outside of the tomb. So like him I walked out to more abundantly
enjoy Dawn. I am a child of the Morning…
Ase’
